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Karen M. Black
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A daughter's tale of truth, love and letting go

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An addictive spin on awakening, soulmates and past lives

Handling a broken heart - again? Six reasons why it happened...

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” 
— Kahlil Gibran

Handling a broken heart (again) was originally sent to my Moondancing newsletter subscribers. Would you like similar articles delivered to you? If so, read more and subscribe here.

Many of you have written me with stories of heartbreak. Sometimes it's happened just as you take a step toward your dreams, or begin sincerely seeking your soulmate (and yes, I've experienced that crazy timing-thing too).

Your stories go something like this:

  • I was happy, doing great on my own
  • I asked for my soulmate (or another desire) to come in
  • Then s/he appeared through astonishing serendipity. I felt certain: this is it.
  • Fast forward, I'm heartbroken. It's turned into a painful, confusing situation (or never gets off the ground).

Disclaimer for this article

I'm not a psychotherapist. I don't give professional advice and in fact, I believe real friends don't give advice. These ideas and perspectives on surviving heartbreak may fit — or may not. They're also geared more to relationship breakups, rather than loss and grief for example. But! Wherever you are today, I do hope they're helpful and that you resonate with at least one.

Six reasons why you're heartbroken - again

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy.”
– Kahlil Gibran

The oxytocin in your system is doing a number on you

During sex, women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. This makes handling a broken heart extremely intense for women (men produce little to no oxytocin).

Oxytocin alone is enough reason to carefully consider who you'll have sex with. Want more on this? Watch Helen Fisher, Ph.D. speak about this in her TED Talk. Nuff said.

You're meeting yourself (it's a karmic relationship)

“Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are the eternity and you are the mirror.”
– Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

The American clairvoyant Edgar Cayce said to many people inquiring about painful situations and relationships: “You're meeting yourself”. Which means that you're facing in others in this lifetime, who are a reflection of who you've been in a past life.

Past life regression can help bring these past life experiences to consciousness and release them. Of course, this doesn't make the challenge of handling a broken heart magically go away, but it is a fascinating perspective and worth trying if you're drawn. Hint: your tears mean yes.

If you decide to dissolve this energy on your own, start by quietly thanking your soul for the experience. This sounds counter intuitive, but this is a great way of handling a broken heart energetically.

I do believe that karmic relationships can be transformed (I call this moving up The Soulmate Continuum). However, if the two of you are to get together in this life, the key is that both of you are willing.

Your heart is being opened and softened

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.”
— Kahlil Gibran

As hard as this to accept at first, there's something in you that's ready to be opened, otherwise you wouldn't be handling a broken heart. If you can, think of this as a softening, an expansion of your capacity to love. A process that puts you more in coherent alignment (for more on heart coherence and why it's important, check out HeartMath.

You might also think of this painful situation as testing your commitment. After all, you didn't ask for a date, you asked for a soulmate. Handling a broken heart — really digging deep and transforming your patterns — might be the first step.

Sometimes, to manifest big change, a destruction or clearing out must take place first. Again and again, we're called to step in to our own wholeness, own and love every part of ourselves. Perhaps you've created this situation to show you the next step, even though the entire journey is not yet clear.

You have an unhealthy etheric cord between you and this person

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
— Kahlil Gibran

Etheric cords form between people in relationships. The deeper the relationship, the thicker the cord and the more difficulty you'll have handling a broken heart if you separate. Cords can be helpful, inspiring and nurturing, and when based on neediness or fear they can be draining and damaging.

In a painful relationship situation, perhaps the other person has hooked an energetic or ‘etheric' cord into your energy body, right where you have a wound that's ready to be healed. This person may be using fear or abandonment to drain and control you, or they may be equally in pain and wondering why. Cords go both ways, by the way.

One paragraph is not enough to spend on this topic, and warrants further research if it resonates. In short, if you're handling a broken heart, there is likely an unhealthy cord that needs to be loosened, removed or untangled. Here's a great explanation about cords by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D..

An “emotional conflict” is active in your energy body

“We are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side.“
— Kahlil Gibran

“Emotional conflicts” or spiritual conflicts are terms I learned from a complex homeopathy modality that I've used personally — Psychosomatic Energetics. This can be good "add on" to handling a broken heart, especially if your heartbreak is repetitive or chronic (or you suspect that it's karmic).

Emotional conflicts are held in our chakras, brought forward by early experiences and even past lifetimes. Even babies have been tested to have conflicts (testing is done using a sophisticated REBA machine and muscle testing).

If we don't dissolve them, they suck our emotional and physical and mental energy, and make handling a broken heart even harder. And, when they're active, we continue to be triggered in repetitive, painful situations that appear to be beyond our intellectual or holistic reach to heal.

Now Psychosomatic Energetics isn't for those who want a quick fix, for it can take months and even years to get to your Central Conflict. But if you're serious about raising your vibration on a cellular level, it's one modality to consider. Another is BodyTalk — in fact, the two work well together.

Both use muscle testing and ask your body for what it needs. Your body is the authority, not the practitioner. Which is why I like them.

The Universal Shift in Consciousness is bringing up your “unconscious stuff”

“The appearance of things changes according to the emotions; and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.”
– Kahlil Gibran

Time is speeding up, human consciousness is evolving and everyone's unhealed “stuff” is coming to the surface faster and more obviously than ever before.

If you've created a painful, confusing situation now, this is an opportunity to work through this once and for all — even if it's uncomfortable. What's hidden inside us all is more difficult to conceal now. However, the results of our sincere efforts toward healing are also accelerated.

So don't run away from handling a broken heart: dive in. Call it energy, cords, karma, emotional conflicts, psychological blocks. Call it what you will — you signed up to heal it. Dammitall.

Start now: your soul will take notice!

Your efforts to handle your broken heart will be seen and felt in every area of your life. Take a first step. Go as far as you can see. Then you'll be able to see further.

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
– Kahlil Gibran

Start by choosing one of the above approaches that resonate for you. Begin your search to understand, love, integrate and release.

Above all, know that you're being led in a spiritual awakening journey that's uniquely yours...and after handling a broken heart, you will be closer and closer each day, to manifesting the life and love...that your soul intended.

I hope you found my ideas on handling a broken heart helpful.

Take me to:

If you liked this article – It was originally sent to my Moondancing e-newsletter subscribers. Here's how you can subscribe for free.

Getting over heartbreak – It isn't easy. Here are some more resources for you including grief stages to ponder, and how to handle whatever comes up.

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