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Karen M. Black
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Back to the Water cover

A daughter's tale of truth, love and letting go

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An addictive spin on awakening, soulmates and past lives

When will I find love? It feels like it's taking forever!

I've heard this question from twenty year olds and sixty year olds. Heartache is funny like that. When waiting for your beloved, five minutes can feel like forever.

Yet when it comes to soulmate manifestation (or anything that you truly desire that may take some orchestrating first), it's futile to get too attached to the ‘when’.

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”
– Paulo Coelho

When will I find love?

I can't answer that. Neither can anyone else — and beware of folks who claim they can.

There's no harm in wondering... but just don't get sucked in to the darker side of prediction. So here are some well-intentioned warnings, and perspectives on the timing of love.

Behold... the charlatans of love

First the bad news. There are folks out there who will take advantage of your heartbroken and vulnerable state, wanting to know the date you'll find love. They'll entangle your hope with their words, encourage dependence on them and take your money in the process.

There are those who will readily tell you when you'll find love to hook you in. They'll tell you about your bad karma, your love curse. There are those who will offer to cast a love spell on your behalf, for thousands of dollars of course. There are those who will ‘poo poo’ others you sincerely seek assistance from as you explore. And those who simply want you to be small and powerless and look only to them for answers.

And now the good news

The good news is that there are many well-intentioned people that can help you answer this question as well. These are folks who won't encourage dependence. They won't judge. They won't see themselves as your guru and will encourage you to explore, even if it means moving away from them.

They may remark on the general timing of you finding love, but they will qualify it... and encourage you to trust yourself as you wait.

They will seek to empower you, and will not be attached to your choices. If you come across as dependent, or press them on the question ‘when... when will I find love’ they may even decline to work with you.

If you are drawn to intuitives...

If you do visit intuitive readers, go in with a question like ‘what am I to understand about relationships at this time in my life?’ rather than asking them to predict when you'll find love, or if your soulmate is the one you're dating. As I said — while they may give you a general idea, the good ones won't focus on the timing. They'll focus on you.

What is prediction really?

Think of the universe as an enormous vibrating field. Certain vibrations combine to create probabilities of manifestation here on earth. Some are higher vibrations. Others are lower. This is what ‘real deal’ intuitives pick up on and this is the source of our intuition. Energetic probabilities. Possibilities. Tendencies. Not absolute fact.

Mixed in sometimes, with their own "stuff".

How this energy manifests in your life depends on many factors. One biggy is your day-to-day intentions and actions. In other words, how you engage in life. Spiritual awakening is not a passive process. Manifestation is not a passive process. Waiting for the sky to open, is a recipe for staying stuck

Your lover may come back to you, or you may be introduced to someone new. The best thing you can do when waiting for love, is becoming the person you want to your ideal relationship. Focus on you, your growth, your vision for your life and working out your kinks (we all have them... welcome to being human).

Have a plan — then throw it out

Some folks have a plan for their lives, when everything's supposed to happen. Meet someone in their 20's. Babies in their 30's. Great career in their 40's. Is this you?

Sometimes, our souls has other timing in mind for us. We can fight it (and lose), feeling exhausted in the process. Or we can focus on where we are now, accept what transpires and do what we can to change things, starting with ourselves.

A true soulmate story...

I recall a friend who used to say that if she wasn't pregnant by 30, she wouldn't have kids. She was very convincing.

Well at 35, she hadn't even met anyone. In her late thirties, she had a full life and love wasn't big on the radar. Then she met someone. What did she do — send him away? I'm too old!

No. She changed her perspective, married him and had her two lovely boys in her early 40's. She would never have planned that. Yet, there was the luvly result — because she said Yes to what came.

Give up the ‘When’ and trust in the ‘Why’

Clairvoyant Edgar Cayce said that soulmates come into our lives to help us become more whole ourselves: they are not here to complete us. While we wait, one of the most powerful activities we can undertake is becoming whole on our own, while staying open to partnership. This is the empowering and mysterious path of spiritual awakening.

Want a soulmate? Get to know your soul...

Said another way: we're more likely to consciously create a soulmate connection when we're living our soul purpose. By the way, you can get a sense of your soul purpose through karmic astrology – check out my article astrological soulmate for more on this.

I also encourage you to explore the work of clairvoyant Edgar Cayce if you haven't already. His work was pivotal in my own spiritual awakening. Truly, it could change your life. Which is why I've created a whole section about him on my site (look to the nav bar on the left).

Lonely? It's normal! Longing... can be sticky

Smoking, alcohol, addictions, sexual conquests, antidepressants and more... all of these things are attempts to avoid emotion.

Loneliness may come up and when it does, be kind to yourself: this makes you human. If so, name it, honour it and re-affirm your desire for a partner. If you've sincerely asked, he or she is already on their way.

Note: If you are experiencing serious depression, see a trained physician or counselor. It could be that you're in the middle of a Dark Night – and will come out stronger and wiser on the other side. That's the whole point of it, of course. But do not play around if you need help. Getting help is a strength, not a weakness.

What if... your time alone is protection?

Here's another perspective on finding your soulmate. What if... instead of attracting the wrong person — again — and having your heart crushed — again — your soul has chosen to steer you clear of the wrong folks and gift you some time on your own to focus on you (without the drama).

And remember, s/he's out there getting ready for you, as sure as you're getting ready for him. So maybe they have some stuff to finish up first.

How about this. You will find love when it's easy for love to slip in to your life. When you have created space for it. Literally: space in your life, space in your home!

Why not help him along by letting go of the ‘When’ questions. Trust that the ‘When’ will be when s/he's ready to work with you to build a loving soulmated relationship.

Another perspective: perhaps there is more than one for you, and it's not yet clear who'll step up.

Put all the love you have to give... into yourself

Have you given yourself away in relationships? Stepped up to what s/he wanted, rather than asking for what you need?

What if, while you're single, this is your task: to put all the love you've given, back into yourself. To fill yourself up with so much love... the only match for you will be someone offering the same. What if your soulmate will come when you are so full of your Self that there is no longer a danger of losing YOU into another? How does that sound?

Be kind to yourself as you wait

It's natural to want to ask when you'll find love. Don't judge yourself when it comes up. But notice it. Acknowledge how your feeling. But hold the answer lightly.

Don't get stuck on the timing. Don't get pulled in to the charlatans who would be more than happy to tell you when... while taking your money.

When will you find love? Love yourself. Trust your soul...

Take me to:

Finding your soulmate – Busting myths about soulmates... plus the most important question to ask yourself during a conscious soulmate search...

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