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Karen M. Black
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A daughter's tale of truth, love and letting go

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An addictive spin on awakening, soulmates and past lives

True love tips you can use with... or as you seek your soulmate

Embracing these true love tips can help you create a soulmate relationship, whether you're already dating your potential soulmate — or solo and seeking.

But first. Do you use the currency of love in your relationships?

True love doesn't find us. We create it. Within ourselves, with those we love and with everyone and everything we touch.

Here are some light-hearted tips on how to find true love — things you can do today. Though I've written these in an easy, fun style, these true love tips have substance. So choose to adopt a few and you'll be well on your way to attracting your spiritual soulmate relationship.

Ten true love tips

Get selfish

“The most loving person is the person who is Self centered.”
– Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God, Book 1

The word selfish has a bad rap. When I say it, I'm not referring to narcissism, cruelty, betrayal or abandonment. I am referring to understanding and honouring your own needs, so you're bursting with energy to share with our beloved (or with yourself, if you're single and seeking).

So your luvly others are encouraged to do the same for themselves. And generously share. So that together, you're energetically bigger than the two of you could be on your own!

One good way to stay healthily selfish is committing to a spiritual awakening journey (whatever that looks like for you). So much of this is about knowing yourself... it's a great place to start. And it's why I've dedicated an entire site to chronicling my own adventures and questions no spiritual awakening...

Always stay above the line

“What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside you.”
– Wayne Dyer

Okay, none of us are perfect. Sometimes we can get frustrated, disappointed — even devastated if big-time change is going on.

The question is — when faced with something we view ‘isn't fair’ or ‘isn't right’ — what do we do then? Do we skip the true love tips and go for the jugular? Or do we stay ‘above the line’ and choose not to hit below the belt.

Short-term, revenge tactics may offer up a visceral rush. Long-term, revenge tactics erode our selves — and love lives. Don't do it.'

End blame and criticism

“A woman's [person's!] flattery may inflate a man's head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.”
– Helen Rowland

There is nothing loving or safe about blame or criticism. Marital researcher John Gottman calls criticism one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. In other words, things that spell doom in a relationship.

The other three Horsemen are contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal. There's no way to dance around this one. Make an agreement to end criticism, even if it takes a while to do so completely.

Laugh! Hard and often

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
– Victor Borge

Did you know that the physiological study of laughter is Gelotology? That it's healing, and reduces stress? I bet you already knew how sexy it is.

Here's more about Humour therapy benefits.

So, as you work your way through these true love tips, find humour in yourself, your pets, your kids, killer comics and life itself. If you laugh together... it'll be easier to work things out, and resentments won't have a chance to fester.

Listen and empathize

“When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.”
– Sue Patton Thoele

There's nothing sexier than someone who truly listens. The sexiest words of all? Said honestly: ‘I understand’. As you get closer, active listening can only deepen your true love connection — while ‘half listening’ can only erode it.

The Harville Hendrix Dialogue Process is the cornerstone of Imago therapy which contains many true love tips in its advice. If you meet your soulmate, it not about magic. You may have the recipe for true love... but it's still up to you make the cake.

Be healthily accountable

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs.”
– Joan Didion

Irritated? Afraid? Annoyed? Ever wonder why? Before launching into blame, try approaching the situation with gentle curiosity.

Why do this? Because this dissolves the emotional charge around it (if you don't buy it, try it!). Healthy responsibility keeps a true love connection flowing.

One caveat! Point the ‘finger’ only at yourself.

Tackle the tough stuff

“If you call forth what is in you, it will save you. If you do not call forth what is in you, it will destroy you.”
– Gospel of Saint Thomas

Now here's one of the better true love tips. Ever had a major mid-life crisis? Want one?

Then I suggest that for a few decades, ignore anything that's emotionally uncomfortable. Hone your rationalization skills. Make excuses. Pretend everything is fine when it's falling apart.Avoid. Deny. Wham! There goes another one.

Psychiatrist Scott Peck says that mentally healthy people are the ones that fit in as many life ‘crises’ as they can. The ones who avoid, tend to build up to a major loo-loo later on. Want true love? Tackle the tough stuff early and often.

Practice congruence

“Feelings or emotions are the universal language and are to be honored. They are the authentic expression of who you are at your deepest place.”
– Judith Wright

How do you feel when you're around someone who walks his or her talk? Who does what they say they're going to do? Who's honest and lives his values. Safe? Secure?

How do you feel about broken promises? Saying one thing and doing another? For me, my heart tightens, I feel queasy, uneasy and I want to withdraw. Ick!

If you want to put these true love tips into action. Being congruent is when who you are, what you say and what you do is in harmony. Do this — and your relationships will deepen.

Learn the language of love

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”
– Anthony Robbins

I'm not talking romantic ideas here. I'm talking about eliminating the words that feel icky inside. ‘But’ is one — a word that feels like a slap on the face — nothing true luvy about it.

Replace ‘but’ with ‘and’. Why do this? Because folks only hear what's said after the word ‘but’. Everything else — poof — into the frozen void. Sounds strange at first, but it's easier on the heart.

Some other true love tips: Replace ‘should’ with ‘choose to’ (because it's more empowering). And heck — do I have to say it? Blast ‘always’ and ‘never’... into never-never-land.

Appreciate others

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
–Frederick Keonig

I've left the best until last. If you only do one of the true love tips on this list, do this one. Find as much as you can to appreciate about your true love. Truthfully, from the heart, no matter how small.

Then tell folks what you appreciate about them. Often. Appreciation and gratitude is the highest energy vibration there is. Think of it as light sword, cutting away all of the obstacles to true love.

Find as much as you can to appreciate about your life today. This is the vibration that will attract the true love of a soulmate.

Spend some time exploring this site. Each article is short, and easy to digest. And it takes a slightly different slant. Come back often. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed my true love tips!

Take me to:

Finding your soulmate – Busting myths about soulmates... plus the most important question to ask yourself during a conscious soulmate search (plus more articles on Finding your soulmate)

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